cyndle sent me photos today. she is always taking photos....

i'm caught between being frightened and admiring...examining these pictures, so revealing, so blatantly sexual, so...
the curve of her breast from behind a denim jacket, the profile of her stomach under the arm that is tastfully hiding (but reminding you of) what is surely behind it...
i'm not sure if i should be jealous of her bravery... i do admire it, somewhat, since i dont think i have the confidence in my body or my self to do that... but where is the line drawn between this and pornography?  and how do i feel about pornography? 
or not so much how do i feel about it... how do i feel about a friend taking part in it?  (how do i feel when i'm wondering, trying to figure out who she had take the pictures...)
but it isnt porn at all, its tasteful, sexual...
 i think every woman secretly (or not so secretly) wants to have beautiful photographs of herself... naked or otherwise...

why am i not comfortable with open sexuality? am i comfortable with it? why do i think everyone else will think its wrong...
because i think i DONT think its wrong... i'm just afraid of how someone else might react....
therein lies the problem....
we're all so afraid of someone else's reaction to our own manifestations of sexuality that we all try to conform to what we think is acceptable.... we lean to the safe side of the fence, which leads to a rather puritan, "we dont talk about it" way of living and interacting....
maybe? maybe thats just me.

i feel like i just used a lot of big words and didnt say much of anything... but my brain is turning, gears are working...

am i caught between wanting to be an openly sexual creature and wanting to be accepted by "normal" people?

is it strange that after seeing cyndle's pictures, i posed in my mirror, pondered the perfect position of a breast, wondering how i would look in a photograph? 
does every girl do that? 
?

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